I am afraid to say from what I know that the player behind Sus has indeed passed away. The rumour mill has done it rounds to many re Suspira and their passing, so I shall answer it here and probably do an inadequate job in trying to pass on my thoughts and feelings for them and their family, but I shall try.

Not even sure where to start really, apart from the pain and shock I felt at the news and have done ever since with many tears shed. Given this is someone I have never met or spoken to by the phone, skype etc then this should start to tell you something of their great character, that they could effect others in such a way. It was a hammer blow to my very core and one I will always remember, but that was just the event and it tells nothing of why I, and I am sure, many others will remember.

A person who was quite unique, always competitive, deciding to accomplish something and then to work and work to do it. Faced with impossible odds, the answer: Try harder, do more, learn more, just finding a way to be better. I understand that Sus very much enjoyed their time in game and had many friends and people to enjoy the time with. I will try and avoid saying what Sus would think, one it is too damn painful, and second people will all have their own thoughts and impressions.

For me the best thing about the person behind the avatar was the personality and the character. Having spent hours a day with them for the last couple of years or so, I can only be thankful for knowing them. In conversation about the most difficult things in people's lives, including mine, a willing listener was always there. Any who have had the time to get to know Sus will have appreciated the sense of fun and humour that was always present, you may not have got it always, but it was always there even during what must have been the most difficult and painful of times.

I am sure you will all have your own thoughts and tales of your experiences with Sus, some good and probably some in game you may not have liked. But either way the character always kind natured, you don't get the nick name healing queen on a whim of people. I don't really want to touch on the game character too much, because such was the character of the actual person it would be wrong to think of them as a mere avatar. I have had some of the most enjoyable conversations with someone I could not see. To communicate so powerfully and inventively by text alone was a most wonderful gift. Some call it odd, but everyone's sense of humour does not always agree with another's. And Sus's sense of mirth was always wider than their girth (whatever that might have been) "> .

When I heard what happened, it felt as though a hole had been ripped through me, it feels worse now that it is sinking in. I am sorry Sus that I cannot do justice to you in this simple post. There is too much you did, too many things you have helped people with, too much laughter shared, and now on my part too many tears. I look each time logging on hoping beyond hope that you may appear but of course that gaping hole will never be filled again.

With hindsight I get it but I am just so sorry I couldn't say goodbye. But thanks for logging in so somebody could and I hope you felt as always that you were among friends and family.

As I said at the top of this, I can not do you justice as to your character and personality but I will always remember you. I have shed 1000 tears and likely 10000 more till it all sinks in. But for knowing you and the million laughs that were shared then I would take that 100 times over.

Most of all I really want to say I just miss my very good friend.

RF