In my opinion, you are hilarious in a sad way. Your real life is so despicable II that you try to use drugs and alcohol to suppress the depression. It works for a while but now you felt life is hopeless so you want to bring as much people to the sadness loneliness place with you. That is why you fell for FALLEN, the clan name and the clan leader. You will NEVER commit suicide aka leave the game cause you objective in life is to make as much people FALLEN the way you have FALLEN.