Wyrda
50
just for a good laugh
this just happened....
received a call from dispatch about a mother and her 2 young children trapped INSIDE her car. she claims her battery died and the doors won't unlock. i arrive at the scene and speak to her through her window and ask her to unlock her door using the manual door lock. she looks at me like i have something growing on my face. i then point to her lock and ask her again to pull on it... imagine that....the door unlocks and she and her babies are free.
the sad part is she said she has owned the car for nearly 10 years and never knew there was a manual lock.
received a call from dispatch about a mother and her 2 young children trapped INSIDE her car. she claims her battery died and the doors won't unlock. i arrive at the scene and speak to her through her window and ask her to unlock her door using the manual door lock. she looks at me like i have something growing on my face. i then point to her lock and ask her again to pull on it... imagine that....the door unlocks and she and her babies are free.
the sad part is she said she has owned the car for nearly 10 years and never knew there was a manual lock.
I'll throw one in from the IT world that genuinely happened to me... call comes in from someone having a problem with their monitor, straight forward enough - monitor dead, unplugged, replaced in a couple of minutes, job done! Later that day, same person calls - "I had a document open when you replaced my monitor, and I can't find it now - can you check if it is still on the old monitor"
lmao that good one i had a guy come set up satellite tv for my house he started in what was grandpa's room after not getting it to work he went to another room when came back he asked what did i do ? for i had it working and was watching tv my reply: i plugged the box in. at this time i was 13 lol
A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
One day, her 9-year-old son hides in the closet during one of her romps. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides the lover in the closet.
The little boy says, “it’s dark in here.”
The man whispers, “yes, it is.”
“I have a baseball,” the boy responds.
“That’s nice.”
“Want to buy it?”
“No, thanks.”
“My dad’s outside.”
“Okay, how much?”
“$250.”
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom’s lover end up in the closet together.
“It’s dark in here,” the boy begins.
“Yes, it is.”
“I have a baseball glove.”
The man thinks about the last time they were in the closet together, and decided to cut to the chase — “How much?”
“$750.”
“Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “grab your ball and glove. Let’s go outside and play some catch!”
“I can’t. I sold them.”
“How much did you sell them for?”
“$1,000,” the boy replies, smilingly widely.
His father responds, “it’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That’s way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church to confess.”
The two go to church, and the boy’s father escorts him to the confession booth. Once inside, the boy states, “it’s dark in here.”
The priest replies, “don’t start that crap again!”
Lol
"hello, customer service, Aaron speaking"
"Hello, i'm having a problem with my PC's built in coffee holder..it broke off"
"Coffee Holder?"
"Yes its very fancy, you just press a button and it pops out"
"Where is this button?"
"Just underneath it"
"Does the 'coffee holder' anything written on it?"
"Yes it had CD-R"
"That's the disk holder (facepalming so hard I hit my head off the table)
THE $2.00 BILL I TRIED TO SPEND:
IF YOU'RE AS OLD AS I AM, THIS IS A RIOT!
Everyone should start carrying $2 bills! I'm STILL laughing!!
I think we need to quit saving our $2 bills and bring them out in public. The younger generation doesn't even know they exist!
STORY: On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. I have a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure with the $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about irritating anyone for trying to break a $50 bill.
Me: 'Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.'
Server: 'That'll be $1.04. Eat in?'
Me: 'No, it's to go.' At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.
Server: 'Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back.'
He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them:
Server: 'Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?'
Manager: 'No. A what?'
Server: 'A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me...'
Manager: 'Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill.'
Server: 'Yeah, thought so.'
He comes back to me and says, 'We don't take these. Do you have anything else?'
Me: 'Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?
Server: 'I don't know.'
Me: 'See here where it says legal tender?'
Server: 'Yeah.'
Me: 'So, why won't you take it?'
Server: 'Well, hang on a sec.'
He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, 'He says I have to take it.'
Manager: 'Doesn't he have anything else?'
Server: 'Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change.
Manager: 'I'm not opening the safe with him in here.'
Server: 'What should I do?'
Manager: 'Tell him to come back later when he has real money.'
Server: 'I can't tell him that! You tell him.'
Manager: 'Just tell him.'
Server: 'No way! This is weird. I'm going in back.
The manager approaches me and says,
'I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night.'
Me: 'It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill.'
Manager: 'We don't take those, either.'
Me: 'Why not?'
Manager: 'I think you know why.'
Me: 'No really, tell me why.'
Me: 'Excuse me?'
Manager: 'Please leave before I call mall security.'
Me: 'What on earth for?'
Manager: 'Please, sir..'
Me: 'Uh, go ahead, call them.'
Manager: 'Would you please just leave?'
Me: 'No.'
Manager: 'Fine -- have it your way then.'
Me: 'Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?'
At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect.
A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.
Guard: 'Yeah, Mike, what's up?'
Manager (whispering): 'This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.'
Guard: 'No kidding! What?'
Manager: 'Get this. A two dollar bill.'
Guard (incredulous): 'Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?'
Manager: 'I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.'
Guard: 'Oh, so the fifty's fake!'
Manager: 'No, the two dollar bill is.'
Guard: 'Why would he fake a two dollar bill?'
Manager : 'I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?'
Guard: 'Yeah.'
Security Guard walks over to me and......
Guard: 'Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use.'
Me: 'Uh, no.'
Guard: 'Lemme see 'em.'
Me: 'Why?'
Guard: 'Do you want me to get the cops in here?'
At this point I'm ready to say, 'Sure, please!' but I want to eat, so I say, 'I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill.
I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, 'Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?'
Manager: 'It's fake.'
Guard: 'It doesn't look fake to me.'
Manager: 'But it's a two dollar bill.'
Guard: 'Yeah? '
Manager: 'Well, there's no such thing, is there?'
The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot.
So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.
Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff.
Haha!!!!
Lol, that's the funniest story here
*looks threw archives of stories wrote for the one listed 'actually did happen' right below the file titled de clan stories archive 4!*
I was at McDonalds the other night (a year ago about now) during the carnavel and noticed this woman 'mad' about something. So after she got her food I decided to strike up a conversation with her.
Me: Don't feel to bad. We had a cop car hit earlier today.
Her: Oh, my. Who did it.
Me: Some girl who just got her license.
Her: Oh, my. I bet she felt terrible.
Me: Not as bad as her father who was in the passenger seat.
Her: No, he must have been embarrassed.
Me: Not as much as the cops sense his car went from park to neutral and rode into another cop car.
Her: That must have been embarrassing.
Me: Especially when a third car had to be called to document the accident and take statement.
Her: Oh, my. So what happened.
Me: The teen was wearing 6 inch heals and her foot slipped off the break.
Her: That poor girl. She must have been scared out of her mind.
Me: It all turned out well. The cops did not charge her sense she came right in and reported it. The insurance is going to pay the damages to the cars. But her brothers in the back seat will never let her live it down.
Her: They must have been chanting, 'Sister hit a cop car'
Me: *chuckled* Yea and more. Dad had to quiet them with ice cream. Not the cones either. One of the big mcflurries.
Her: She will be embarrassed for the rest of her life.
Me: Especially if I post the entire video of it that I made on my computers webcam on facebook.
Her: Don't do that. That will ruin that girl.
Me: What girl? I just made that entire story up. Don't you feel better now?
Her: Yes, thank you. It is such a relief that did not happen